Players You Don’t Want To See Your Team Draft

“The NFL Draft just happened and no doubt everyone expects to win the Super Bowl with their new acquisitions. While it can be an exciting event, it can also be a gut punch when you’re team picks someone you’ve never heard of from (insert small regional university here) with a beer belly. Here are some players you don’t want to see your team draft…

1. He had a terrible senior year but he played well in the bowl game against washed-up team no. 4 – Oh boy, since when does 300 yards and 18-for-20 passing with two touchdowns in a meaningless bowl game against a team that’s coach isn’t returning actually mean anything? He’ll do well against the best players in the world right? Suuureee…

2. After someone’s name “from Jester Wild Junior Community College” is spoken – But the scout has a hunch about this one right? Wait he isn’t in New York to pick up his jersey on the podium? Why the heck not!?!!?!

3. Anyone from Duke University – Basketball or Football. Either or.

4. A quarterback with a piece of furniture or vegetation in their last name – Stick quarterbacks with states and first names as their last names. It never fails.

5. A name that confuses Mel Kiper Jr. and causes his hairpiece to fall off – Because you know that Kiper has poured over every university’s roster for the entire year to prepare for this one event. If this guy’s name didn’t ring a bell, than chances are your team drafted somebody that should be playing in the indoor football league.

6. A Canadian – I know there is Canadian football, but I’m wondering if the Canadian high schools and colleges play under Canadian rules or you know, play the type of football you can get paid for playing.

7. A French person – Oh boy. If they have “Pierre” in the name, your team is royally screwed.

8. A lineman battling “weight problems” – Because they’re about to get millions of dollars to help them with their “weight problems.”

10. Osama Bin Laden – I hear his draft stock is plummeting right now…”

Thank-you Brandon Hansen, check out his blog Just South of North.